Three Ways To Use Laughter To Get Through Life's Toughest Times

by Karyn Buxman

I've never had cancer. But I can't tell you how many times I begged God to let me bear that burden. My son, a strapping 22-year-old junior at the University of Missouri, woke up with an aching chest that turned out to be a malignant tumor. He's only a boy, I pleaded. I've had a great life. Let it be me not him.


I can't even describe that time in our lives accurately. It went by in a blur -- and not the fast-paced blur you enjoy while you rocket along the roller coaster's tracks, but a confusing, often terrifying inability to really understand and deal with what was going on. There were months of chemo. He had surgery. His hair fell out. The boy who could empty a refrigerator in the blink of an eye now wouldn't eat -- everything tasted metallic, and he had no appetite. And through it all, we wondered: would he ever have a girlfriend, a family, a life...

For two decades, I'd studied, written and spoken about the therapeutic values of humor. It was time to walk the talk. It was tough. I won't kid you. Being funny can be hard work. At times, we had to make a conscious effort to laugh. And yet sometimes, if we would just let it"it would just happen. Humor was a saving grace for all of us.

There was a time for tears, but there was a time for laughter. Many times, actually.

My son has always been lucky in his friends. David's roommates provided him with great support and camaraderie, dubbing him "Captain Cancer" -- the superhero no one wants to be. One roommate, an artistic red-headed color blind Italian, begged to decorate my son's newly bald head with colorful markers.

His co-workers were great. He and another bouncer had long been known as Tonto and The Lone Ranger. Following one of his treatments, a bunch of his buddies visited. Afterward, David announced, My friends just gave me a new nickname: Chemo-sabi!

Allen Klein, author of The Healing Power of Humor, surveyed patients who were terminally ill, about the use of humor. About 80% of them wished for more humor"from their caregivers, and the freedom to use humor themselves.

What is the best way to use humor? Ideally, humor is used proactively, to help heal the body and the spirit. Here are three ways to do this:

Play: Make a Play List. This is a list of 10 low or no-cost things that are fun for you. Then, when you're not feeling well, do something from the list. You don't wait until you feel better to play. You play and then you feel better.

Make sure you have a stock of toys"Magic 8 balls, Koosh toys, whatever makes you smile"available.

Surround yourself with pre-packaged laughs. Collecting funny books, magazines, movies and cartoons is a great way to keep the humor going. Ask people to tell you their funniest story or most embarrassing moment. Save jokes and funny stories. Spending time enjoying your collection can perk up even the toughest days.

Connect: Spend time with people who make you laugh. Skip the Negative Nellies who bring you down. Ask people to make you laugh"and do your best to make them laugh. All it takes is one joke.

Now David is cancer free. He's engaged to be married next month. I learned so much from him during this time; lessons about courage and gentleness of spirit, and always, the importance of humor. A life well lived requires laughter!